December 19, 2012

Looking forward

Posted in December tagged , , , , at 3:11 pm by viewfromthisdesk

It’s rather scary to think that in two weeks time it is a whole brand sparkly new year.  Wowzers. 

This year has been so challenging, so blooming difficult.  I have lied and cried and struggled and managed and somehow I have gotten through it.  I am too quick to answer ‘I’m fine’ when asked how I am.  Fine is a word that really should be banned.  It is my word of lying choice.  I’d rather say that I’m fine than admitting the truth.  If I’m with you, you’re special.  I’ve made the effort to spend time with you, I’m using my spoons on you. 

I’ve spent 2012 bouncing from specialist to specialist and 2013 is starting no differently but this time, the big difference is the current consultant really seems to get me!  Yesterday when I saw him he didn’t bat an eyelid when I explained my hands were like plasticine; there but not solid.  He TOTALLY understood.  Didn’t tell me I was mental when I explained I saw black spots and (usually) yellow squiggles on stuff, just told me that Van Gogh had that too.  He is fabulous and whilst I have to get to Birmingham to see him, I don’t care.  Hubby likes him too, likes the tangents the treatment is going off on, he is glad this man hasn’t ruled me out after 10 minutes.  There’s no disputing I have ME, that’s not in question, it’s all the other rubbish that is going on too.

So I’m looking towards 2013 with a slightly restored faith in the NHS.  That might all change with my next appointment with someone, but when I’m at the humongous hospital in Birmingham that I’m sure you could see from space, I have faith which is a big change from before.

In order to aid my positivity, I’m going to have a ‘gratitude jar’ – I’ve made it already but not taken a picture but this is to help you understand what I’m wittering about

gratitude jar

I know it’s a bit airy-fairy, but I like it.  I’m also going to put in notes if I have a good day as I seem to forget about those too quickly.  Hubby has been primed to put in a note if I make an effort with my appearance and he’d like to pay me a compliment and I’m hoping that friends and family will participate too.  I need to remember the good stuff as I just get weighed down with the negativity.  Too easy to remember the aches and joint fails and days lost in bed.  Need to remember the days out, the dressing up, the fun times. 

Feel free to join in, my jar is patiently waiting x

December 4, 2012

What’s with the traffic this morning?

Posted in December, Health stuff tagged , , , , , , at 9:17 am by viewfromthisdesk

It took me thirteen minutes to drive across town, that’s daft!  I know that I *should* have walked, what with it being a gorgeous morning but that’s the thing with M.E. whilst I may feel that walking is a good idea, my body would rebel and I’d be flat out asleep for a few days.  Pah.

So, quick update for you: it’s been a year since I started WW, and I’ve managed to maintain my finishing weight which I’m really pleased about.  I’d kinda like to lose another half stone by the beginning of February but I’m not off to the best start because the shops are full of mince pies and cheese selection boxes <drool> so I will see how things go.  I would say watch this space, but I’ve not been the best blogger, have I?  Sorry.

Update on the medical stuff: M.E. is still pants.  Hate it.  My fibro is still making me want to scream and cry on a daily, no, hourly basis.  My lovely GP tweeked my pain meds last week and warned me that one of the side effects, whilst I got used to it, could be insomnia.  Oh how I laughed.  Hysterically one might say.  Insomnia with M.E.?  Pull the other one.  Well, he was right and that’s really, really rubbish.  Not that the fellow was right but that I had insomnia for about a week.  Oh what a lovely, not at all grumpy person I was.  He’s also (following my request) going to see if the dietary team will see me.  There’s lots of research into diet and intolerances and M.E. and I’d like to see if there’s anything I could do or try to see if I could increase my energy or be in less pain, that would be lovely.  Fingers crossed they’ll take me on.  I’m also seeing a new specialist in Birmingham who is looking into lots of mysterious things to maybe explain why I have so much numbness and lack of feeling as this isn’t a usual thing with M.E.  Got to go back to the gynae team which I’d like to say is pants, but that’s a really poor joke.  Thought I’d finished with them seven years ago but it seems, it isn’t to be.  Cheap thrills on the cards for me then, middle aged men having a rummage, hoorah.

Changing the subject (very) quickly, am going back to Lundy for Christmas. Can’t wait.  Sunshine, fresh air, good company and a change to relax and recharge.  Bliss.  But I haven’t got an advent calendar to count down this year, so no chance of chocolate for breakfast.  

Hmmm ….. wonder if the pound shop has still got some?