December 28, 2014

So many numbers

Posted in December tagged , , , , , at 11:57 am by viewfromthisdesk

This is apparently my 75th post and it’s 4 years since I started writing this blog.  I know I’m erratic in my postings and emotions but isn’t that just life anyway?

2014 has been tough on a personal level. I’ve struggled with my illness and been frustrated with my abilities on what feels like a constant basis.  I have gotten to a point in my bat consultant role that I’m gaining clients by myself and booking jobs up ‘in the future’ (ie next week) but then I find myself exhausted and stressing out from the pressure I put myself under.  Stupid I know.

Physically, I’m getting used to the pains and aches and mouth alcers and blinding cluster headaches.  I don’t like them and I don’t like taking the pills to fix them but I know it’s the only solution.

Most of all this year, my emotional roller coaster has driven me up the wall.  Mood swings, short temper and crying for no reason is not something I’ve dealt with since I was a teenager with PMT.  I can’t seem to put a lid on it or get it under control.

So 2015 needs to be a year of patience both by me and with me.  I need to remember how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown as a person these last few years.  I need to keep looking at my gratitude jar and thinking about the good stuff and the good people in my life.  2015 will be my third jar and I’m hoping it will be as crammed as the other two years.

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