April 24, 2015

Moving on and growing up

Posted in April tagged , at 12:12 pm by viewfromthisdesk

So following on from my last post, where I was maudlin and pathetic I’ve had a couple more days to let things fly around my head.  Nothing makes sense still and I’ve almost stopped crying.

I confessed to my lovely reflexologist lady that I couldn’t pretend that all was okay any more, that it was all too much before descending into another flood of tears.  Thankfully, she’s used to me crying by now so just carried on playing with my feet.  Bless her.

This weekend though, I can vent my frustrations and emotions at the rugby and then at a concert.  Who needs antidepressants when there are very fit men in mud covered tight white shorts and lasses playing AC/DC tunes loudly?



April 22, 2015

Spring has sprung

Posted in April, Health stuff tagged , at 2:43 pm by viewfromthisdesk

It’s hard to be sad when the sun is shining and the daffodils are fading out as the tulips come in.

It’s hard to be sad when the days are longer and the temperature is slowly rising.

It’s hard to be sad when the bats are out and a hedgehog shuffles through the garden.


But I’m still me.  Trapped in this useless body.  Screaming for my old life.


I was told at the weekend that I had no clue about real life, how the real world works.  It hurt, but having thought about it over and over and over and cried and shouted and cried some more; maybe it’s true.  I might not understand the real world but that’s because I have no place it in.  I can’t work a proper job like real people do.  I can’t maintain hobbies like real people do.  I can’t go out on a whim or make plans with friends like real people do.  I can’t have energetic horizontal gymnastics like real people do.  I don’t have a life worth living in the real world.


So spring may be here.  And the real world is a beautiful place.  But my world is not.