January 25, 2016

January Bucket List

Posted in January tagged , at 10:30 am by viewfromthisdesk

I’ve stopped making resolutions, they never worked out for me too well and I have enough misery-via-failure in my life that I don’t need to add to the pile myself.  A few years ago I started doing a list of ‘x-things in 20x’ which kinda worked out and kinda didn’t.  Some things were beyond my control – like dates for epic Severn Bore events and all my targets for further or maintained weight loss disappeared under a pile of satisfying kit kat chunkies.  And there’s no regret within a kit kat wrapper.

So this year I’m going to do monthly bucket lists.  Maybe if I break stuff down into smaller targets, they might just happen?  So here is January.  Which will probably become February as well because the month is almost over!

* Write Christmas thank-you letters.

Shameful I know, that we’re four weeks on and this hasn’t been done.  In my teenage years, our gifts wouldn’t be ours until we’d written our thank you letters, so it should be part of my very being to write them on Christmas afternoon, or Boxing Day morning at the very latest.  I really wanted to hand write them this year.  I don’t know why I thought that being as I struggled to write a tiny amount of Christmas cards.  I think I’ll be sitting at the computer instead and hope that the recipient is happy with a letter, regardless of whether it’s typed or drunken-dancing-spider scrawl.

* Weed rose beds x2

These beds are tiny.  Honestly.  But weeding is a task I struggle with because of the amount of physical effort it takes; bending down, walking through the garden, grabbing the plant, twisting, pulling, shaking.  Yes I’ve got a gadget that helps but it’s still not doing it for me.  I can’t hire someone to do it for me; I can’t hope it will do it magically overnight itself.  I can’t keep asking friends and family to do it for me.

* Eat somewhere new.

So this is combining a positive thing – my love of food – with a negative – my fear of making plans to go out in case I (choose from a long list of reasons not restricted to) fall over and make a fool of myself, drop cutlery, drop food, start slurring my words, have to cancel because I’m ill, make myself ill because I force myself to go out when I know I’m not 100% because I don’t want people to think badly of me for cancelling plans *again* or the worst one at the moment, have to ask someone to cut up my food because whilst I’m able to be out in polite society, I’m not able to hold cutlery or exert force to cut up my food and don’t want to simply order mashed potato and shovel it like a toddler into my cake-hole.  Eating somewhere new will enable me to make one date plan, manage my time around it, meet up with friends who I don’t see otherwise and then, STUFF MY FACE.  Win-win.

Join me in maniacal laughter when we get to March 1st and these three things didn’t happen.


January 15, 2016

January 15th

Posted in January at 9:50 am by viewfromthisdesk

There’s an awful lot of Death about.


Death, as an event, is horrid.  There’s no getting away from that.  But Death as a ‘thing’ will always be to me Terry Pratchett’s figure.  Speaking in Subscript Capitals and utterly polite on all visits.

And recently, there’s been too much Death.  Famous people normal people alike.  On a personal level I lost my Grandad and a bat friend at the end of last year.  It’s surrounding us and I’m sorry Mr Death but you can just do one for a while now.  The problem is, death is ever constant and today is just another personal reminder of that.

I read a thing the other day where someone was listing all the things that their Dad had missed in the 19 years that he had been dead for.  Many people commented that he would be proud of the writer, that he was with him in spirit somehow, that he had always been part of those events.  It got me thinking.

Today is the anniversary of my Dad’s passing.  It’s been 26 years. So for starters, all those birthdays, Christmas mornings, then changing schools, exam results, sporting achievements.  The big stuff – graduation, engagement, wedding day.  The scary stuff – braces, operations, days home from school in tears because of bullies, mean girls and being dumped (again), first job interview, you get the idea.

So part of me gets maudlin and does the whole ‘woe is me’ moment.  Isn’t my life rubbish because my parents died and missed everything.  And then I remember that all those epic moments that have made me, happened because they died.  All because we moved and had a very different life.

Of course I miss them.  Or I at least miss what I remember.  Or what I imagine would be what having parents is all about.  I transpose other people’s lives onto my memories which is just stealing essentially.  I don’t know if I believe in the whole ‘he’s still around’ thing but if it works for others then that’s fine by me.

I cannot be sad that my life took a random direction aged 10 and almost-a-half.  I’m still in touch with a couple of people from before that eventful day, I’m glad they choose to still keep me in their lives, we were so little then and so much time has passed by.  I’m in touch with people that were important elements in my teenage years that I would never, ever have met if I hadn’t moved.  I have a life, a job, a future that would have never existed otherwise.

If nothing else; my Dad would be proud that there is a man in my life that loves cider.

January 13, 2016

January blues

Posted in January tagged , at 12:06 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I realise I’ve not written for a while. It got to the point that every time I thought about typing something, it was very negatively-based either because I was feeling down or something had happened and I needed to break that cycle.  I know that those of you who read this are doing so because you want to support me through the bad times as well as the good but I need to start giving you both sides of my life.  Otherwise I’m just going to convince you I’m a miserable, grumpy mare.


I went through my Gratitude Jar from 2015 a couple of days into the New Year.  I aimed for New Years Day again but I had that rubbish flu bug thing over Christmas and New Year so spent a huge chunk of time asleep or horizontal in my ‘jamas.  Well, what else is two weeks off work for?!!? I was surprised by some of the notes in there, mainly because I’d forgotten that I’d written about events.  There were very few notes from other people which was a shame as those were the notes I loved most in the previous years.  I can’t expect people to continually contribute to my jar though.  I haven’t yet decided if I’m doing a 2016 jar, I think I’d like to but we’ll see.


But I found this note when I was going through it and it really struck a cord.  Almost one year on, it’s still utterly relevant so I figured I’d share it as my first positive thing of the year.