May 1, 2018

April news

Posted in April, Monthly update tagged , , , , , , at 8:38 am by viewfromthisdesk

The Easter bunny forgot where I lived and I didn’t get any Easter eggs so I’m still sulking as I type this April summary:

Theatre was Wicked at Birmingham Hippodrome for mine and the boy’s 21st anniversary and I also saw a transmission from the RSC of MacBeth.  Possibly the best version of MacBeth I’ve ever seen actually, and I’ve seen it lots.  I also fulfilled my bucket list wish of actually going to the RSC and I saw ‘Duchess of Malfi’ by John Webster, except it wasn’t the main RSC theatre, it was the smaller Swan theatre at the back so I’m not sure if that counts.  I saw the comedian Joel Dommett, he of Celebrity Jungle fame.

Cinema was a fail this month, my own fault because I didn’t want to see Peter Rabbit with my friend because I’d be surrounded by ankle biters and I’m allergic to those.

Music was a Bon Jovi tribute band and the Marabooboo Allstars again.

Films I watched were My Cousin Rachel, Paddington 2, The Limehouse Golem and Flatliners (2017).  It is very true that remakes are not a patch on the originals.

I also took part in a quiz in a pub.  I was impressed that we didn’t come last.  14th out of 16 teams isn’t too bad.  Although I wish we’d come last as they won a unicorn hobby-horse.  Super jealous with that.  It’s hosted every month so apparently we’re going again in May if only to aim for coming higher than 14th.

I was working away the first week of April and the workload is very sporadic, so I have occasions when I can read lots.  Books in April were ‘I See You’ by Clare Mackintosh, ‘The Stolen Marriage’ by Diane Chamberlain, ‘Those Other Women’ by Nicola Moriarty, ‘The Idea of You’ by Amanda Prowse, ‘The Night Falling’ and ‘The Hiding Places’ both by Katherine Webb and ‘The Twins’ and ‘The Other Me’ both by Saskia Sarginson.  Only eight books this month, which isn’t shoddy I know but compared to other months that’s quite poor

Health wise, it’s the same old, same old.  I did too much when it was sunny and suffered as a result.  The old niggles in my hips, back and pelvis have returned so I’m back on the crutches but I have new sparkly black crutches which are pretty cool.  I’ve felt incredibly down this month, really sad and empty.  I’m finding it easier to hide away and hermit than go out and do stuff, which I know you’ll find hard to believe with the list above.  I don’t want to see people, don’t want to talk to people, don’t want to interact or be around others.  I’m finding it tricky to converse or relax.  I just want to hide away.  So I’m setting myself a challenge that May has to be different.  I have to be more positive and approach things from better angles.  I’ll be using social media to help me remember good stuff, asking friends to remind me of good times or memories.  Get them to recommend books or films and be more present.

I also hosted a bat care workshop to try and get more people interested in the magical world of the critters.  Nine people came and crammed into my kitchen, it was not without its worries and stresses – especially with my hermit wish.  Never done one before, didn’t have a clue what I was doing and blagged it spectacularly.  I set it up as a two hour thing and they didn’t leave for three and three-quarter hours instead.  I’d like to hope it’s because they were interested and entertained, not because I locked the doors and hid the keys.

So whilst on the outside I’m presenting a façade of cheerfulness and confidence, inside I’m a bit of a mess if I’m honest.  Getting out of bed and getting into the big wide world is super hard each day – I just want to hide away.  I don’t know why I feel like this, please don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t.  I’m being honest about it, be grateful with that.  I’m going to work hard at it because I want May to be different, I want this to pass.



April 4, 2016

No April Fool here

Posted in April tagged , , at 2:17 pm by viewfromthisdesk

As ever, my monthly goals fell by the wayside.  Or maybe not so much by the wayside as off a cliff in slow motion, road-runner style.

I’ve finally managed to weed one of my rose beds, but that happened yesterday so hardly a March achievement.  I’ve still got my big rose bed to sort out but the enthusiasm for this is absent.  I’m not sure what to do in all honesty.  My hands are only going to get worse, although that’s hard to imagine considering how useless they are anyway and my ability to grip is not going to improve.  I don’t want to lose my roses, three of the four were gifts for my 21st but if I can’t look after them it’s not going to end well, is it?

My shoes were sorted.  Kinda.  Three pairs have been thrown away.  Ten pairs are in a pile for taking to the charity shop and the remaining ones are in a storage crate in the middle of the living room.  My excuse is I need a bigger plastic store box for them to go in but I’m not allowed to go to B&Q unaccompanied* so I’m a bit scuppered.  The plan is to have this crate in my overflow wardrobe and it’ll just have my lovely ‘for special occasions only’ shoes in them.  You know, the pairs that are bought to just go with one particular outfit and that one outfit is worn once every three years if you’re lucky.

The issue that has been generated from sorting my shoes though is that whilst I’ve managed to remove thirteen pairs of shoes from my collection in one form or another, I have established that I need to replace my wellies very soon and also my trusty walking boots (that I wear on bat sites, not for walking!) as I’ve had them forever and I can’t imagine they won’t die on me in the middle of this season.  But why is it that the two pairs of shoes I’ve found I need to replace are the most expensive ones?!! So annoying.

Needless to say, wellies are now on my wish list and I’m hoping I can make do with the split pair I’ve got until the summer when hopefully the birthday fairies will take pity on me.

April targets aren’t going to be set.  I’m not going to bother and then I might have a positive twist on things in a few weeks when I can go ‘actually, I achieved this and this’ one of which will hopefully be my modern art installation of shoes has been relocated!



*I’d like to quickly point out that I’ve not been banned from B&Q or that the unaccompanied thing has been set by the company, it’s actually come from hubby as my visits to the shop of dreams (as it’s known, I have a particularly tragic life) often lead to decorating plans and ideas or conversations that begin ‘I’ve seen this, what do you think ….?’  Which he doesn’t want to be encouraged because if I suddenly wanted to decorate something or somewhere, he’d have to give up time at the railway and we can’t have that.  So even though I only want to go for two plastic boxes, I have to wait for a chaperone.

Two boxes? I hear you question.  Well, yes.  One for shoes and one for my new genius idea.

A hedgehog feeding station.  Of course!

April 24, 2015

Moving on and growing up

Posted in April tagged , at 12:12 pm by viewfromthisdesk

So following on from my last post, where I was maudlin and pathetic I’ve had a couple more days to let things fly around my head.  Nothing makes sense still and I’ve almost stopped crying.

I confessed to my lovely reflexologist lady that I couldn’t pretend that all was okay any more, that it was all too much before descending into another flood of tears.  Thankfully, she’s used to me crying by now so just carried on playing with my feet.  Bless her.

This weekend though, I can vent my frustrations and emotions at the rugby and then at a concert.  Who needs antidepressants when there are very fit men in mud covered tight white shorts and lasses playing AC/DC tunes loudly?


April 22, 2015

Spring has sprung

Posted in April, Health stuff tagged , at 2:43 pm by viewfromthisdesk

It’s hard to be sad when the sun is shining and the daffodils are fading out as the tulips come in.

It’s hard to be sad when the days are longer and the temperature is slowly rising.

It’s hard to be sad when the bats are out and a hedgehog shuffles through the garden.


But I’m still me.  Trapped in this useless body.  Screaming for my old life.


I was told at the weekend that I had no clue about real life, how the real world works.  It hurt, but having thought about it over and over and over and cried and shouted and cried some more; maybe it’s true.  I might not understand the real world but that’s because I have no place it in.  I can’t work a proper job like real people do.  I can’t maintain hobbies like real people do.  I can’t go out on a whim or make plans with friends like real people do.  I can’t have energetic horizontal gymnastics like real people do.  I don’t have a life worth living in the real world.


So spring may be here.  And the real world is a beautiful place.  But my world is not.

April 23, 2014

World Book Day

Posted in April, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , at 12:36 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Happy World Book Day!

I love reading, so it’s great there is a day to celebrate the written word.  And apparently, today would have been Shakespeare’s 450th birthday, so Happy Birthday Mr Bard!  I’m going to an event tonight at my library with a ‘thing’ by a local author.  Should be different and fun.

Today is also my week seven.  My end of my lent.  I am pleased to announce (not) that according to the scales this morning, I am heavier than I was at the start of lent!  I mean, what the heck?!!?  I have no clue, no answer and quite frankly, I don’t care anymore.  Honestly, I’m beyond giving a stuff. 

I am curvy.  I am greedy.  I have no self control or ability to not apply-to-face.  I am happy with myself, my clothes fit me.  Maybe I should try harder to stick to the fresh air and lettuce diet, maybe throw in nightly laxatives for a giggle. 

I’m not sad about this number.  It is just a number afterall.  I’m surprised as I have been trying to not be greedy, I have been rather restrained actually.

Numbers.  Pah.  I’m going back to my book and box of creme eggs.

April 2, 2014

week four over

Posted in April, Health stuff, Twilight Walk tagged , , , , , , , at 11:40 am by viewfromthisdesk

I was almost excited when I jumped on the scales this morning, except the stupid things say I have lost nothing in these past two weeks.


How rubbish is that?!!!?  And really rather confusing as my trusty jeans don’t fit, I need a new hole in my belt and hubby has commented that features have come back to my face.  I can feel my cheekbones too.

But.  I’m not going to let it get me down because I feel really good inside.  I’m not bloated anymore, I don’t feel like my belly is about to explode with some unknown entity, I’m not getting the stomach cramps I was getting and I can understand that *something* in my diet was not agreeing with me before.

But I miss pain au chocolats with my sister on a Saturday morning.  I miss the option of a jacket potato for tea.  I miss that satisfying, salty crunch of crisps.

I’m motivated to keep going though.  This journey of eating lettuce and fresh air technically ends in three weeks for me and in six and a half weeks is my scary 5km twilight walk.  Btw – THANK YOU to each of you for your support, I am overwhelmed by your generosity and fun comments.  Two weeks after the walk, our gorgeous friends are getting married and I want to look slightly gorgeous too, so I need to stick to some sort of proper eating thing.

I’ll get there.  I just won’t be less-heifer-ish when I had hoped to be.

April 18, 2013

So far, so good.

Posted in April, Gluten Free tagged , , at 9:06 am by viewfromthisdesk

Not wishing to shout too loudly being as I still have a weekend to get through <sigh> but I would like to proudly announce that :-

I have managed ten meals Gluten Free!

(I did try to insert a 10/10 image but after four attempts, I’ve given up.  Would have been more impresive if I’d managed it, I know)

Admittedly, four of these have been porridge and fruit, three have been salads and three have been meat and veg but that isn’t the point!  A milestone has been reached and however small that milestone may be, I’m going to celebrate it.  With flapjack, not cake.

April 11, 2013

Overcoming hurdles

Posted in April, Health stuff tagged at 1:26 pm by viewfromthisdesk

So, not only am I trying to deal with the fact that since my email was hacked, no one can email me and I can’t email them so all my friends think I’m being a sulky, silent mare …… I’ve also been told I need to go gluten free.

Big thing.

I love bread, toast, sandwiches, cakes, pies, biscuits, pasta, puddings, breaded mushrooms, pain au chocolat and everything else. Now I have to try and pretend these things don’t exist.

Initially I thought it would be okay, it’s a cross between Atkins and WW really? But no. Gluten is in everything it seems.

Be patient with me, I sense mood swings and toddler tantrums ahead!

April 30, 2012


Posted in April, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , at 4:18 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I finished ww with my loss totalling 23lbs which wasn’t too shoddy.  My ww leader said I should apply for a ‘special goal weight’ from my doctor because essentially, I’d never get to an accepted BMI number without chopping of limbs etc.  Anyway, long girly rambling story short, my doctor signed a form which said he was very happy with what I’d done and he wasn’t going to insist on my attempting to reach a BMI of 25.  Yey.  He even put on the form that my goal weight could be the weight I finished ww at.  Even more yey.

So now, I’m what’s known as a Gold member.  I get absolutely nothing for it, just a different coloured form to write the numbers of doom on it and I get to attend meetings for free as long as I stay within 5lbs of my goal weight.

Being as I hadn’t been for a month (and within that month had been away for two weeks, had Easter, returned to work and consumed a tin of chocolates and biscuits from Christmas) I figured I should get my act together and see how bad things had been.  Weirdly, last week said I’d maintained my weight which was flipping amazing as I know how much I’ve shovelled into my face.  I’ve found attempting to ‘maintain’ harder than I thought.  I can be good for breakfast and lunch and then come tea time I’m like a locust out of the bible plague, nothing is safe. 

Since last Monday, I’ve been even worse, it’s scary how little I’ve learnt and how un-responsible I am towards food.  So I figured I’d have to face up to the numbers again so I went again today.  The scales said I’d lost a pound.  I want to go yey and dance around the room but instead I’m rather dazed and confused.  How on earth have I lost a pound?


(PS I have also caught up with the technological world and am the owner of a smart phone, so any ‘app’ recommendations are fab!  Weight or health related or not, I don’t mind!)

April 11, 2012

ipod’s don’t swim in lemonade

Posted in April, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , , , , at 2:35 pm by viewfromthisdesk

A much known fact it would seem. Known by everyone except me!  Yep, I’ve killed my ipod and it wasn’t even my fault – a bottle leaked in my bag. I don’t know how much got into the inner workings, I’m hoping only enough to mash the battery and so a new one should solve the problem – once hubby has watched enough youtube videos to work out how to take it apart and change it and put it back together. Fingers crossed.  In the meantime, if you have an unloved ipod classic that would like a new home, you know where I am 🙂

I’m avoiding the point really.  I know I haven’t posted for ages and for that I’m sorry.  Especially if you were wondering or were worried.  I felt like I had nothing much to say to be honest.  I’ve had some more medical appointments with various people/sectors and I’m coming away from them rather disappointed and disheartened.  Nothing I – or any of you – can do, so why moan about it?  Have also not been great physically with regards pain levels and general joint failures and again, why moan about it when it’s a usual situation?  Life goes on as someone somewhere said once.

Aside from my average miserable-ness, I finished my twelve WW vouchers on Monday 19th March with a weight loss total of 23lbs.  Whilst I am certainly going to continue what I’ve learnt with regards portion sizes and content, I don’t know that I can honestly live a life of permanent abstinence.  I miss so much stuff and not just ‘junk’ either.  Cheese I appreciate isn’t fabulous for me, but the calcium in it is.  And I’m not going to eat half a pound of it in one go.  I miss nuts and seeds and fruit juices too which are all fairly ww-points-weighty.  I want to eat sandwiches and toast on occasion without then living off some watery vegetable soup for the rest of the day.  It’s going to be a time of adjustment I suppose, getting used to food and everything again.  This weekend though I have an evening out planned which involves some proper dressing up.  I have borrowed a dress which looks AMAZING currently and I want to do it proud.  I want to look at the pics next week and think that I didn’t actually look too bad.  So it’s porridge and ryvitas for a little while longer yet.