February 29, 2016

Confessions from a Leap Year proposee

Posted in February tagged , at 2:41 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Two leap years, eight calendar years ago I became one of those desperate women that was fed up of waiting for tradition and popped the question to my then boyfriend.

And I had been more than patient.  Honestly I had.  We’d been together nearly eleven years by this point.  Eleven long years.  Of which half had been wondering if and when he might ask me.  Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, our Anniversary and holidays were all spent hoping, wishing, waiting.  I was the absolute definition of pathetic.

It’s not as if marriage hadn’t been discussed.  It wasn’t a subject that we were pretending didn’t exist.  On my 18th birthday, when we’d been together just four months, he gave me a ring.  A gorgeous gold band of eternity type promise.  He said that it wasn’t an engagement ring but a commitment ring.  One that would be ‘upgraded’ when I finished my degree.

Except I didn’t finish my degree in the conventional fashion.  I left university early, returned back and set up home with him.  Friends and relations got engaged and then married around the time that he had said would be for us.  Radio Silence.  I finished my degree with the Open University, on my graduation day I was proud of what I achieved and secretly waited for that magical moment.  It didn’t come before the graduation ceremony, nor over lunch with our immediate family or during the meal that weekend with the rest of our family.

I wondered what was wrong with me, why he didn’t see forever with me.  He was happy for me to be cook, cleaner and candle-stick maker on a daily basis, he said he had no intention of seeking a life elsewhere and yet he didn’t want to make it official.  The more people asked or pushed, the more silent and annoyed he became with the subject.  So we all shut up.  And waited.

More radio silence.

Eleven years is a long time to wait and question what is wrong with oneself.  It was utterly soul destroying and there was nothing I could do about it.  Until February 2008.  I’m a traditional girl at heart, I wanted it to be proper, I wanted the fairytale with shooting stars, rose petals, a nice speech.  I wasn’t wanting a flash mob dance or fireworks spelling it out in the sky or anything more than a nice dinner.  Whichever way it was still a foolish notion.

And then we were on holiday for leap years day and just prior to going away a friend said ‘so are you going to ask him then?’  Bizarrely, it had never occurred to me.  Some time in the previous past had been a television programme on ITV where women proposed to men on live tv and then show number two was whether he sais yes or not and then the marriage, there and then.  He had said (whilst he endured this programme) that if I ever did that to him, he would say no and walk away.  He didn’t want to be embarrassed.   Five minutes before ‘doing the deed’ I suddenly remembered this tv programme.  Panic.

People will say I have my fairytale now, I have my happy ever after.  I asked, he said yes, fairy dust was sprinkled, everyone has perfect skin and Disney-style smiles.  But I do wonder if I did the right thing.  Should I have asked?  Where would my life be now if I hadn’t?  Hubby freely admits when asked (by others) that he would never have asked me, it wasn’t something he’d considered getting around to.  It wasn’t on his radar of things to do.

Today should be a day of celebration, of positive memories and giggles.  Instead, this day comes around and I dwell on the regret, the questioning – should I have done it?

It isn’t helping that we’re both ill today.  He’s getting over a chest infection and I think I’m at the beginning of it.  I’ve been ill with some flu-cold-lurgy thing for three weeks now and it just isn’t abating.  Maybe I’m feeling down about looking back because I can’t breathe, sleep, eat, move.  We were going to go out for a meal tonight at some new place we’ve both been wanting to try since it opened and we’ve had to cancel our booking.  If he remembers, I guess we’ll be toasting our anniversary with lemsips tonight.

At the last leap year, I said something on facebook along the lines of ‘don’t do it if you can’t live with the disappointment of not getting the fairytale.’  I think I still stand by that.  I may be a strong, independent, modern woman but just once it would have been nice to have been floored by tradition.

February 4, 2015

The end is nigh

Posted in February tagged , , at 2:10 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Oh I do love a good dramatic title!

Things are okay, I’m not great mentally, I’ve been feeling quite down but I’m putting this down to the weather and lack of cute bats in the spare room.  My skin is dry, my lips are cracking and my joints and muscles are seizing up.  I’ve been trying to focus on positive things which is hard at this point in the calendar; although the snowdrops in my garden looked fab with a bit of frost around them.  I’m over-run with jealousy of the peeps that have snow.  I’ve seen nowt.  Sulk.

I’ve been collecting used stamps off the corner of incoming post for the spare room residents (hint, hint) and am preparing for our first holiday since November 2013 which happens next week.

I’ve also been working on my ribbon wreath that I started eighteen months ago.  It’s hard going – I can only do a few ribbons every few days so progress is horrendously slow but here’s where I’m at as of last night.  I’m worried I’m going to run out of ribbons so I’m hacking up the hanging loops off clothes and the annoying detailing off my underwear.  It want to say not far to go, but it’s about a quarter left still.  But the end is nigh.  Maybe by this Halloween I’ll be finished!

IMAG0327

So if you happen to send me envelopes of ribbon offcuts, kitkat chunky bars and torn corners of your post, I’ll be thrilled to bits!  Just don’t tell me about your snow drifts ……..

February 25, 2013

Sunshine and Vitamin D

Posted in February, Health stuff tagged , at 3:34 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I’m sat in an airport lounge right now, trying to kill some time.  I’m trying not to think about the travelling I’ve done so far this morning and the journey still ahead or the cramps in my legs or the stress about getting from point A to point B the other side.  I’m trying to think about the lovely time I’ve had, the tan I’ve aquired, the new friends I’ve made and the existing friends that went above and beyond to make me smile so very, very much.  I’m thinking about the notes I’ve got to go in my jar, from me, hubby and my friends.  I sooooo cannot wait for Jan 1st 2014 when I can open my jar and read the notes. 

I’ve learnt alot about stress and the impact it has upon my conditions this break.  I’ve been reading about different vitamins and foods that *might* help me.  I know I’ve got an appointment with a dietician when I get back so I’m hoping they might give me a list of superfoods too.  I have to get a handle on my medical crap.  I have to be able to live life like I have these past couple of weeks.  I need to stop worrying about the numerous appointments that I’ve got at various hospitals to see all these different specialists.  I need to just take it one day at a time and take whatever help, advise or prescriptions or tests they choose. 

So Vitamin D is top of my list to hunt down and get in my system.  I know you get it from sunshine.  Not sure how much I can get at home when I believe it is currently 3 degrees whereas outside of this air conditioned lounge, it’s heading towards 30 degrees.  Wowzers.

February 24, 2012

Friday failure :(

Posted in February, Health stuff tagged , , , , at 1:05 pm by viewfromthisdesk

It had to happen sooner or later, didn’t it?  I’ve been so lucky recently with my health and I am grateful for that.

Hips, pelvis, back, one knee and both wrists are bad.  You know when I say bad, that it’s awfully painful and I can do very little.  Can’t write or type really.  Walking is interesting.  Tears and swearing are rather common. And I’m exhausted again – and not sleeping well.  A perfect combination!

Am planning on spending this afternoon through to Sunday night in my pyjamas, bundled up trying to keep warm and cozy in the hope I’ll be ‘fixed’ for Monday.  Hey ho.

February 22, 2012

To partake or not to partake? That is the question!

Posted in February, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , at 4:20 pm by viewfromthisdesk

As you’ll be fully aware, yesterday was Shrove Tuesday. The day of lovely, pale yellow, yummy-ness.  In fact, the only day that hubby cooks, so it’s a win-win usually for me.

Except there’s the small matter of weight watchers.  Grrrr.

I was determined not to be defeated, so I found a ww recipe which gave a total of 2 points per pancake.  Horrah!  I did some sums and managed my day and then for tea had pancakes. Yum yum yum.  No sugar this year, just lemon and tonnes of fruit but oh my days it was lushious. Enjoy!

February 20, 2012

Weigh in number nine.

Posted in February, Weight Watchers tagged , at 3:03 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Weigh in this afternoon went well, if I do say so myself! Have lost another pound and a half so I have lost a grand total of eighteen and a half pounds. Yey.

Three more vouchers to go and I have a dilema. My personal target is only three and a half pounds away, which let’s face it, is really manageable even if I don’t try very hard! The leader has told me my 15% target is six and a half pounds away from today, and I really like the idea of that challenge, to get to that on my last voucher.  Maybe my valentines kitkat needs to be left in the fridge for a few more weeks however.

Anyway, for a bit of a giggle, here is what I was given today (if I can somehow work out how to include a photo!)  For my stone and my 10%.  Enjoy 🙂

February 18, 2012

Those beautiful BMI numbers

Posted in February, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , , at 11:20 am by viewfromthisdesk

On Monday at weight watchers, I hit my 10% target. I have no clue what this is 10% of or towards or what so please don’t ask! When entering my details online (not just satisfied with a piece of paper me, I like a coloured graph on the computer!) it told me that I should have seen an important change to my BMI, so I decided to have a see on the nhs website.

Well. I wish I hadn’t bothered in all honesty.  According to the nhs, because I haven’t been blessed with the tall genes, I am still a fat, lardy-arsed, heifer.  Yep, those words popped up on my computer screen, honest they did.

The day I got married, I was possibly the heaviest I have ever been.  On that day, my BMI was 34.01 a lovely ‘obese’ number for the nhs.  Which is fair enough, I was quite rotund.  On the day I started weight watchers, that BMI had fallen to 31.76.  Still obese, but I was heading from the bright red ‘imminent heart attack warning’ to the slightly less glaring orange ‘you’re still terribly unhealthy’.

So, on losing my stone with ww, my BMI is 29.13 and woohoo, I am officially overweight. A dark yellow rather than the belisha beacon orange, and more importantly, not obese anymore, yey!

My target (set by myself, no one else) is to lose a stone and a half with ww from when I started with them.  If (and it really is a big if) I manage that, my BMI would be 27.59 which still keeps me at overweight and cricky, where would all my feminine curves be then?  A further half stone ONTOP of that would make me 26.46 – losing two stone from first ww meeting still makes me overweight. Scary stuff really. Am I ever going to eat anything other than plain grilled chicken with salad or veg?

So, this got me a bit addicted.  What would it take for me to be ‘healthy’ in the eyes of some stupid mathematical computer program?  Apparently, ‘healthy’ is to be 25 or less.

To hit 24.96 which let’s face it, is scraping the barrel totally, I have to have lost two and a half stone since my first ww meeting.  Seriously?!!? I’m struggling with motivation now and it’s only been one!

To be 22.3, smack bang in the middle of healthy and a nice bright green colour on the graph thing, I would need to lose ANOTHER stone.  To be mid-range healthy for the nhs, I would have to weigh a very scary combination of the numbers eight and six.

Now, I’m very happy with what I’ve acheived so far.  Believe me, I am thrilled to bits, I LOVE the fact I can now pick up a size 14 and it will fit.  I am so appreciative of the well wishes and compliments I’m getting right now.  I KNOW I look better than I did before.  I know I look better in terms of attractiveness and skin clarity.  But to go from my personal target which is quite full-on as it is, to take off another two stone as well ……… Oh my days, honestly?!

February 14, 2012

Romance? Pah!

Posted in February, Weight Watchers tagged , , , at 1:38 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I lost four pounds yesterday apparently at the weigh-in. That’s a total of seventeen to date. Yey me! I have four vouchers left and at the least, I want to lose another four pounds to get to a stone and a half.

Just the small hurdle of today and the shops, tv and all media being FULL of chocolate and more chocolate and oh! Some chocolate. If hubby brought me a box of chocolates today he’d be sleeping on the sofa for-ev-er! I have asked him however to get me two of the new kitkat chunky flavour bars. Kitkat chunkys are a billion times better than boxes of fiddly, tiny individual chocolates in some lurid pink box. Love is a kitkat (at least one!), not a box of belgian truffles.

Do you think if I mention that brand of chocolate bar any more, they might send me a free box-full of normal, the new orange and the new double chocolate flavours? Hmmm, fingers crossed!

My hands are KILLING me and I can’t type anymore.

February 4, 2012

Eleven wishes for Two Thousand and Eleven

Posted in February tagged , , , , , at 12:39 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I found a notebook the other day in which I’d written last January, my eleven wishes for 2011.  I asked hubby to do the same, but being a boy, he didn’t.  Hey ho.

I wanted to share my eleven wishes with you, because I’m going to apply most of them to 2012 and I’m going to want/need/invite you to be part of them too.  I am copy-typing these, so be gentle in your amusement!

1 – Get a diagnosis.
2 – Face everything positively.
3 – Ask for help when required, from everyone and anyone.
4 – Be a whole stone lighter by the year end.
5 – Let hubby inside my head, he can help me to solve my worries or acheive my dreams.
6 – Do what I’m told by the professinals, be it joint exersizes, resting or whatever!
7 – Take time each day for me, reading or gardening or something that helps relax me.
8 – Stop expecting so much! Patience is a skill I need to work on.  Rushing wastes time and hurts.
9 – Do more by myself – or with friends – nights out to the theatre or days to places. Don’t sit at home alone. Get a life!
10 – Treat myself once a month to something. Flowers, a manicure, a massage. Something that makes me smile.
11 –

Well, I didn’t do too badly really. Number 1 was done in October which was a blooming long time after January.  Number 4 will be done soon (hopefully Monday!) so I’m going to change that to half a stone, from this original stone.  You know what I mean!Numbers 7, 9 and 10 I’m working on still, but I’m getting better at them!  Being patient and positive is really not happening, I’m totally failing those.  Guess they need to be worked up the priority ladder!

I didn’t write wish eleven as I wanted to leave space *just in case*.  But I know what my 12 wishes for 2012 will be.

1 – instead of get a diagnosis, get some proper help and support. Financial, physical, emotional.
2 & 3 – same
4 – half a stone lighter from this stone!
5 through 10 – same
11 – finish my studying and training and become licensed.  And I want both licenses. Greedy.
12 – see the Severn Bore (sp?)

So there we go. A cheerful post for once!  You know my innermost thoughts now. Welcome!