March 28, 2017

Laidlaws Rule

Posted in March tagged , , , , , , at 10:42 am by viewfromthisdesk

So I was mooching around the social aching face the other day and came upon a posting by a website called 22 Words.  I’m not sure if this is where it all started but it’s where I found it and I’m not bothered to search any further.

This posting stated there is a new thing called ‘Laidlaws Rule’ and this was invented by someone called Marc Laidlaw.  I’m sure it’s not at all technical or full of science but it is incredibly fun.  This rule states:-

‘The first line of almost any story can be improved by making sure the second line is ‘And then the murders began.’ ‘

Now, if I’m making the effort to battle through the finger joint pain and screaming bones everywhere else to type this post and share this with you, then you have to try this rule.  It is quite simply brilliant.  And means I got to pick up proper books for a few minutes too.

Now, as the rule states, this works for *almost* any story.  It doesn’t work for crime authors necessarily, especially not Simon Kernick who generally kills at least nine people in the first half dozen words.  It also isn’t quite so great on Haynes manuals for early Ford cars which form a large chunk of our bookcase.

However.

Take ‘Thomas and a Dragon’ based on the Thomas the Tank Engine Series by The Rev W Awdry.  Applying #LaidlawsRule to this, is as follows:

One morning the Fat Controller came to see Thomas.  And then the murders began.

You cannot tell me you did not spit your tea out a little bit at that?!

‘The Inside Track’ by Jake Humphrey

In the autumn of 2008, I was scooped up from the friendly, colourful, smiley world of children’s television and pitched head-first into one of the most high-profile, ruthless and exciting sports on the planet: Formula One.  And then the murders began.

‘Rockers and Rollers’ by Brian Johnson

When we were kids in Dunston, there were places we were told not to go, and there’s where we went – basically, anywhere dangerous.  And then the murders began.

‘The Bucket List to Mend a Broken Heart’ by Anna Bell

I glance up at the oversized clock on the office wall and it seems to be saying it’s four o’clock.  And then the murders began.

‘My Autobiography’ by Guy Martin

I’d just left the pits after the fuel stop.  And then the murders began.

 

I appreciate that three of these books are autobiographies, but that seems to be all that we have on our bookcase in proper book format since I’ve had to move to my kindle.  Two of the above aren’t autobiographies and it’s still very funny.  So, distract me from this awful joint pain and grab the book(s) nearest to you and comment how #LaidlawsRule changes your story.

 

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March 2, 2017

Snoring: suffocation or separation?

Posted in March tagged , , , , , , at 2:43 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I am very aware that I only write nice things about my husband on this blog.  He freely admits he’s never read any posts but I feel I should be polite and respectful about him.  After all, he’s put up with a whole tonne of medical rubbish and supported me through the drama that is my life since 24.

Alas, I can pretend no more.  My husband is a nightmare.  I cannot rose-tinted glasses it any more.  There is no half-full, positive spin to the situation.  I am beginning to hate him and that’s not healthy.

We’ve just returned from our summer holiday.  We have to take it in February because of work so it’s a nice experience to get away from grey, dreary, miserable home and go somewhere sunny.  Yeah, the temperature change on our return is a shock and it’s horrible in the summer when everyone else is going away and we’re not but hey ho.  As usual, I caught some germ ridden lurgy on the plane back and coupled with jet lag and everything, I’ve been feeling utterly wiped out and quite down in the dumps.

Hubby is immune to all lurgy and is just bouncing around the place, relaxed, refreshed and showing off his tan at every opportunity.  I’m shattered.  I just want to sleep.

And herein lies the problem.  For some unknown reason, he’s snoring really, really badly.  Since we came back it’s like sleeping with what I imagine a bunged-up hippo would sound like.  He’s utterly unaware of it though.  It doesn’t make an ounce of difference which position he’s sleeping in, whether he’s coated in a thick layer of vics and has olbas oil all over his pillow, whether he’s had a shower immediately before bed or not.  And in my lurgy-miserable-exhausted state, I just want to suffocate him.

For a couple of evenings I’ve moved to the spare room.  My leaving the bed wakes him up and he always tells me he doesn’t want me to go.  But he doesn’t understand in his slumbering state that I WANT and NEED to sleep.  He says he’ll try not to snore but I’m not sure he really has any control over it.  If I stay in bed, I’m staring at the ceiling, bunching up the duvet in my hands in an effort to control my urge to punch him really hard in the ribs.  I’m tense and angry and not at all relaxed or calm or anywhere near sleep.

But the spare bed is not my bed.  I do not have a me-shaped dent in the mattress where I curl and fit perfectly.  The pillows are not covered in sleep-spray in my foolish effort to drug myself into slumber.  The room is not perfectly dark, the shadows are different and it’s not mine.  He refuses to sleep in the spare room, there is no discussion about it once I ask and he says no.

So, at 1.30am I moved to the spare room.  At 3am this morning, when I’m still wide awake and I know the alarm is going off for him in a couple of hours time and he’ll wake me with his gallumping around, I’m in the spare room, crying with frustration and exhaustion.  I don’t know what to do.

I’m working every day this week because we’ve returned to a busy and full diary.  Yey.  But I’m a zombie.  And it’s hard not to be grumpy ALL THE TIME.  I’m fighting the urge to have an afternoon/evening nap because my OT says that’s the wrong thing to do.  And I want to sleep AT NIGHT like a NORMAL person.  ARGH.

I thought vics and olbas oil might help him breathe easier if he’s got any small trace of my germs but it’s not working.  Waking him up and asking him to change position isn’t working.  He refuses to move to the spare room and I don’t sleep much if I do.  I just can’t win.

So.  People of the blog-reading-pastime world.  What on earth do I do?  Make the spare room mine and separate?  Or just suffocate him so it’s silent?

 

March 4, 2016

March Madness

Posted in March tagged , , , at 1:24 pm by viewfromthisdesk

In January I wrote about setting myself little targets each month so that things didn’t seem utterly overwhelming.  I set myself three targets to achieve by the end of February, these were to write my thank you letters from Christmas, to weed two rose beds and to eat somewhere new.

Well, I wrote my letters so that’s a good start.  It was tough going and I did end up typing them but I decided that typing was better than not writing at all.  It did mean I had a huge expanse of empty white space to fill though which was really daunting.  Thank goodness that as an adult I don’t get many presents anymore!

I haven’t weeded my rose beds.  They look awful.  I am ashamed.

Eating somewhere new was managed, just not quite how I’d intended.  There is a place in town that hubby and I have wanted to go to for ages, which we were going to eat at on Monday night for our engagement anniversary that didn’t happen.  Aside from that, I went out for lunch with a couple of my bat girlies to this very place so I’m counting that as a win.  Any meal time will do quite frankly.  We still want to go to this place, we’ll probably aim to go for April which is when we got together.

So my March targets have to be:

  1. Get better! I need to shift this lurgy that has taken residence in my chest.
  2. Weed the rose beds and prune the clematis climbers. I’ve had an email to say it needs to happen now to ensure a good display of flowers.  Maybe sub consciously,  I keep hoping that some secret gardening fairy will turn up for a random act of kindness, but it’s unlikely so I’ve just got to get on with it.
  3. Sort out my shoes. I’m no Imelda Marcos but I have lots of shoes that I now never can wear again. I’ve held onto them for an unknown reason, pride maybe, proof that I did once wear these gorgeous things, but my joints and social life do not allow lovely heeled shoes any longer.  If anyone reading this is a size UK 5 feel free to come and help me and have first dibs!
  4. Something new. I’m not sure what I mean by this exactly but in a vague way it’s along the lines of wanting to push my life boundaries a bit. I’m not going to suddenly book myself in for a skydive or start collecting imperial sized nuts and bolts, more something along the lines of visiting somewhere or trying something (food, music, theatre-esque) or experiencing something unknown and previously undiscovered.  My conditions limit so much and I’ve allowed myself to become an utter social hermit.  Too scared to try anything really.  I’m not sure how this will pan out but I’ve got to have the idea lodged in my brain.

shoe mountain

(This isn’t my shoe mountain, it’s an image I’ve stolen from someone else on the interweb.  Although I do like those red ones in the middle.  Would never be able to wear them but they’re very lovely!)

 

I’d be grateful for any help anyone can offer, be it physically or motivationally.

March 31, 2015

All done.

Posted in March at 4:28 pm by viewfromthisdesk

It may have been agony but it’s now done.

image

March 23, 2015

Something good happened

Posted in March tagged , , , at 2:47 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I know I went on a bit about Mothers Day and perhaps I went a bit far for some people, but if I can’t be honest here then there’s no point me even writing.  But out of that last note I had some really good conversations with people about various things and it’s been good.

Mother’s Day came and went, as days do.  The passage of time doesn’t change just because of a particular calendar event.  But I was recipient of a random act of kindness which utterly blew me away.  I had an email last weekend simply telling me that Mr and Mrs S had been over and given my Mum some daffs for the day.  My sister and I were in tears.  Not because we were sad but because it was such and utterly amazingly lovely thing for this couple to do for us.

Mavis 1-20150314-122254

 

And then yesterday, I went to a village church that I’ve been doing some bat stuff with over the past year or so and they had their Mothers service.  Posies of flowers were given to all the Mums and then the ones that were left over were available for people to put on the altar step in memory of their Mums with angel wings.  Mine is the very end one on the right.  It was beautiful and simple and super special that I was able to honour my Mum at a Mothers Day service for the first time in nearly 30 years.  I’ve stolen this photograph, it was taken by Lisa James and was loaded onto faceache.

 

lisajames hinton

 

 

And then, as if the day wasn’t good enough; they had cups of tea and a lemon meringue pie for post-service.  Well, in the interests of integrating into the village, I couldn’t say no could I?  That would be rude!

Oh, and there was bat pooh in the tower too.  Woop woop.

March 10, 2015

Leaving a legacy

Posted in March tagged , at 12:55 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I’m not getting morbid, not this time.  It just occurred to me, what with Sunday being Mother’s Day, that most females rank their children as their greatest legacy to the world.  I wonder what mine would be?

You know I don’t have kids.  I’ve never wanted kids and at 25, learnt I wouldn’t be able to have them.  I wasn’t overly concerned at the time – and I’m still not.  There are plenty of people out there, reproducing and filling the world with human beans.  I’m over all the nasty comments and digs from those that are too insensitive for words – I’m un-natural and not doing my duty as a female.  Well, what-ev-er.

I didn’t have the greatest childhood, I don’t feel that I would necessarily know how to be a good parent.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some great role models in my life but I just don’t feel the need to breed.

I’ve seen friends and family churn out children and that’s great, I’m thrilled for them, I just don’t want one of my own.  So if I don’t have kids and openly admit I don’t particularly like the little ankle biters, why do I feel down about Sunday?

I miss my Mum terribly; she died when I was 8 and everyday I find things I want to show her, tell her and have her involved in.  My grandparents were awesome, but they too have angel wings.  My mum-in-law is fab and I’ll make sure she has a card covered in glitter and flowers and all that.  But I’m not a mum myself and I’m finding myself rather jealous of Sunday.

I want breakfast in bed.  I want a card telling me I’m useful and appreciated and loved.  The cats are utterly above all that nonsense and the chickens …… well, yeah.  I want to buy into the commercial sentimentality too.

I’m not an aunt yet.  Maybe one day, maybe not.  If my baby sister spawns then I’ll be the best aunt ever.  I’d love to be a Godmother but it’s perhaps the fact that my friends and family view me as not the best, most sensible role model out there that has prevented me from gaining that honour.  I’ll keep hoping.

godmother

 

My legacy will just have to be that; I was too outrageous to be responsible.  I’ll have to leave my worldly possessions to the local cat’s home instead 😉

March 21, 2014

So. Just *how far* is 5km?

Posted in Health stuff, March, Twilight Walk tagged , , , , , at 2:27 pm by viewfromthisdesk

So I’ve done something crazy.  Really bonkers.

I’ve signed up – with my sister and hubby – to do a 5km Twilight Walk to raise money for cancer research on Friday May 16th.

It’s in eight weeks time and I have absolutely no concept of how far this distance is.  I also have no idea how this walk will impact upon my M.E. but it’s a fabulous cause and if I did any, the training would aid the weight loss I expect too.

So. If you think I’ve totally lost it or you just feel generous and nice, please feel free to donate a fiver.  Or more – we won’t say no!

http://www.justgiving.com/michellemartinemark

Thank you in advance you lovely, lovely people.

March 19, 2014

week two over

Posted in March, Weight Watchers tagged , , , at 2:05 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I have to say this was the most foolish idea I’ve had for a while.  Giving up anything vaguely nice for lent.  Bleugh.

Anyway, according to the scales I’ve lost three pounds this week, so that’s a grand total of four so far.  Yey.  Makes me wonder how far I was off two pounds last Wednesday really.

I’m not sure how much I can attribute to my new diet of fresh air and mindfulness.  Or how much is down to a flu bug thing that my husband so very generously shared with me which meant I did – and ate – very little on Sunday and Monday.  Once my head is free of gank, I’m sure I’ll be another stone lighter too.

Until next Wednesday …

March 23, 2013

Grains of Sand

Posted in Health stuff, March tagged , , , , at 11:47 am by viewfromthisdesk

I love listening to my ipod and I always have it on shuffle. It’s a bit ecclectic but that makes it fun, such a range of genres and artists. I’m struggling at the moment, struggling to stay positive.  The other day in a particularly stupid moment, a song by Carrie Underwood came on and made everything fall into place:

 

It’s so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It’s like a river that’s so wide it swallows you whole
While you’re sitting around thinking about what you can’t change

And worrying about all the wrong things
Time’s flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can’t get it back
Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand

 

I just have to keep thinking about that last bit.  Grains of sand.

March 14, 2013

Good News :)

Posted in March at 7:06 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Just wanted to share some good news as I moan and winge too much on this blog. After a thorough assessment and lengthy interview, I have been granted a blue badge.

Fingers crossed this helps me regain some much missed independence and quality time.