June 12, 2017

Skipping Meals – fasting or foolishness?

Posted in June tagged , , , , at 2:53 pm by viewfromthisdesk

It’s super unusual for me to not be hungry.  It’s no secret that I like food, I talk about it enough and think about it near enough all the time.  Hubby and I will be in the middle of eating a meal and I’ll be asking him what he wants for the next one or if such and such would be okay.  I tried doing weekly meal planning on our weekly blackboard organiser but it just meant that it was a stressful fifteen minutes in one solid lump of me asking what he fancies for tea this week and him replying ‘I don’t know what we’ve got’ and then me being super annoyed and frustrated over his inability to open the freezers or cupboards and look or – heaven forbid – actually remember what we bought recently.  ARGH!

Food is my enemy and my comfort.  It stresses me out and makes me happy.  I just feels like a permanent bad relationship that you can’t leave because when it’s good, it’s really good and you can almost forget the horrid bits.

I started not feeling hungry when I did the rainbow eating a week ago.  And for the last week it’s been a recurring thing.  I’d not want breakfast most mornings and if I didn’t eat something then I also wouldn’t feel anything come lunchtime.  By about 4.30 I’d be ready to eat my desk though which is reassuring!  I can’t work out why eating makes me then regularly hungry but missing a meal isn’t triggering those same feelings.

Last week I read an article which said that people that didn’t eat between 7pm and 11am and then only had two meals (lunch and tea) lost more weight that people who ate tea at say 8pm and then breakfast.  They put it down to this period of fasting.  But I put it down to a skipped meal.  If you are only eating twice a day then of course you’ll lose weight, it’s a whole meal’s worth of calories not going into your system.  When I skip meals it doesn’t help me lose weight, it doesn’t change anything other than giving me food guilt over not eating.

The 5:2 diet was super popular last year and when I read about it, I just laughed.  Miss a meal, you are joking!  And yet somehow, I’m doing it inadvertently.  This morning I ate breakfast but didn’t enjoy it and wanted to give up half way though.  It was a nice breakfast, I just couldn’t be bothered with it.  And it’s now almost 3pm and I’ve not fancied lunch yet.  I probably won’t bother now, although I’ve got yoghurts in the fridge as a just in case.  I have a drawer full of emergency hula-hoops that I’ve ignored for a couple of weeks.  Food just isn’t giving me the same feeling of happiness and contentment any more and I don’t like it.

In bonus news, my mouth has stopped bleeding and going ganky.  I also made a lasagne yesterday which had many, many vegetables in.  I think I counted six and Hubby didn’t realise.  It was delicious and he’s commented that he can’t wait to have it again tonight as we had enough left for a second meal.  Maybe I need to do more food subterfuge to make it more exciting for me?

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June 8, 2017

Revenge of the Rainbow

Posted in June tagged , , , , , , at 11:46 am by viewfromthisdesk

It really is as sinister as the title suggests.

Yesterday I decided to have a non-rainbow breakfast.  I wanted to see how – if at all – I was affected by non rainbow foods, either physically or mentally.  I suppose I was testing to see if my attitude to food had changed, so buy eating something that I knew wasn’t brilliantly good for me, would I feel guilty or inspired to counteract it and run a marathon or something.

So I had hot cross buns for breakfast.  They smelt delicious in the toaster; the spices, the bread goodness.  Yummy.  And then paired with a layer of budget-supermarket-own-brand-Lurpak-type-product it was just heaven on a plate, I could not wait to just shove it into my face.

However, I have learnt to take my time over food and savour the different levels of senses.  It didn’t make a noise so I was entirely enraptured by the look and the smell before the taste.  It was beautiful.

My first bite.  My very first bite.  Oh my taste buds exploded with joy.  And then a crunch and a weird metallic taste and ….. pain.

My mouth was on fire.  The sensation in my mouth was horrid.


I had taken a chunk out of the inside of my lip.  It’s just over 1cm square which for someone with a delicate sized mouth like mine, is a fairly massive lump.

I’d like to say that the rest of my hot cross bun breakfast was left on the table whilst I tended to the medical emergency, but it was not.  I can say that hot cross buns with a blood coating are not tasty.

My lip yesterday swelled on the one side, it was super painful to drink hot tea or even warm tea so it was another water day and eating wasn’t fun so I just had cauliflower cheese for tea.  This morning, it’s less oozy and less frequently bleeding so hopefully it will heal up soon.

 

Will accept tubs of ice cream as sympathy and love.

June 3, 2017

Day Two, sponsored by Crayola

Posted in June tagged , , , , at 7:25 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Saturday I woke and I wasn’t hungry.  This is most unusual

Saturday has always been a day of food pleasure.  Breakfast would be pain aux chocolat from Lidl or something involving toast. Always carb centred.  The treat for the weekend.

I foolishly jumped on the scales.  In my head, eating well for one day should automatically result in a half stone weight loss but of course the scales showed no different to the day before.  I told you my relationship with food was twisted.

Saturday is also a day of chores, so I kept busy and drank water and just had zero desire to eat.  By half one I knew this lack of desire should be ignored.  Eating is a vital part of survival after all.

I didn’t want to take a picture of a sandwich.  That’s proper naff.  But I’m looking on this as accountability.  I could tell you I ate a sandwich but I might have secretly shoved crisps and chocolate in my face.  I’ve got to be honest and writing this is forcing that issue.


Not feeling hungry made this meal prep frustrating. But hey ho.

Red – tomato
Orange – carrot in sandwich
Yellow – pepper
Green – lettuce in sandwich
Blue – red cabbage in sandwich
White – spring onion
Tan – brown bread

Two things I learnt from lunch.
1 – a salad is boring without lashings of mayo.
2 – a sandwich is boring without crisps.

But I’ve also challenged myself in a different way, I’ve put on a pair of jeans that I’ve not been able to wear since before holiday in February.  I can do them up without too much issue and they’re snug but not cutting off circulation to legs.  I’ve managed to keep them done up until after tea.  And post-tea is always going to be a pyjamas and dressing gown kind of time anyway.

Tea was my favourite so far of the five rainbow meals that I’ve made, sweet and sticky stuffed sweet potato.  I used half the amount of maple syrup and double the amount of mustard and it was delicious.

Red – peppers
Yellow – peppers
Orange – sweet potato
Green – courgette
Purple – beetroot added post photo
White – mushrooms
Tan – raw cashews

Honestly, it was lush. And quite easy to prepare too. And I might have a small bowl of fruit in a bit if I feel the need but currently I’m super full.

April 23, 2014

World Book Day

Posted in April, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , at 12:36 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Happy World Book Day!

I love reading, so it’s great there is a day to celebrate the written word.  And apparently, today would have been Shakespeare’s 450th birthday, so Happy Birthday Mr Bard!  I’m going to an event tonight at my library with a ‘thing’ by a local author.  Should be different and fun.

Today is also my week seven.  My end of my lent.  I am pleased to announce (not) that according to the scales this morning, I am heavier than I was at the start of lent!  I mean, what the heck?!!?  I have no clue, no answer and quite frankly, I don’t care anymore.  Honestly, I’m beyond giving a stuff. 

I am curvy.  I am greedy.  I have no self control or ability to not apply-to-face.  I am happy with myself, my clothes fit me.  Maybe I should try harder to stick to the fresh air and lettuce diet, maybe throw in nightly laxatives for a giggle. 

I’m not sad about this number.  It is just a number afterall.  I’m surprised as I have been trying to not be greedy, I have been rather restrained actually.

Numbers.  Pah.  I’m going back to my book and box of creme eggs.

December 4, 2012

What’s with the traffic this morning?

Posted in December, Health stuff tagged , , , , , , at 9:17 am by viewfromthisdesk

It took me thirteen minutes to drive across town, that’s daft!  I know that I *should* have walked, what with it being a gorgeous morning but that’s the thing with M.E. whilst I may feel that walking is a good idea, my body would rebel and I’d be flat out asleep for a few days.  Pah.

So, quick update for you: it’s been a year since I started WW, and I’ve managed to maintain my finishing weight which I’m really pleased about.  I’d kinda like to lose another half stone by the beginning of February but I’m not off to the best start because the shops are full of mince pies and cheese selection boxes <drool> so I will see how things go.  I would say watch this space, but I’ve not been the best blogger, have I?  Sorry.

Update on the medical stuff: M.E. is still pants.  Hate it.  My fibro is still making me want to scream and cry on a daily, no, hourly basis.  My lovely GP tweeked my pain meds last week and warned me that one of the side effects, whilst I got used to it, could be insomnia.  Oh how I laughed.  Hysterically one might say.  Insomnia with M.E.?  Pull the other one.  Well, he was right and that’s really, really rubbish.  Not that the fellow was right but that I had insomnia for about a week.  Oh what a lovely, not at all grumpy person I was.  He’s also (following my request) going to see if the dietary team will see me.  There’s lots of research into diet and intolerances and M.E. and I’d like to see if there’s anything I could do or try to see if I could increase my energy or be in less pain, that would be lovely.  Fingers crossed they’ll take me on.  I’m also seeing a new specialist in Birmingham who is looking into lots of mysterious things to maybe explain why I have so much numbness and lack of feeling as this isn’t a usual thing with M.E.  Got to go back to the gynae team which I’d like to say is pants, but that’s a really poor joke.  Thought I’d finished with them seven years ago but it seems, it isn’t to be.  Cheap thrills on the cards for me then, middle aged men having a rummage, hoorah.

Changing the subject (very) quickly, am going back to Lundy for Christmas. Can’t wait.  Sunshine, fresh air, good company and a change to relax and recharge.  Bliss.  But I haven’t got an advent calendar to count down this year, so no chance of chocolate for breakfast.  

Hmmm ….. wonder if the pound shop has still got some?

April 30, 2012

Gold

Posted in April, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , at 4:18 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I finished ww with my loss totalling 23lbs which wasn’t too shoddy.  My ww leader said I should apply for a ‘special goal weight’ from my doctor because essentially, I’d never get to an accepted BMI number without chopping of limbs etc.  Anyway, long girly rambling story short, my doctor signed a form which said he was very happy with what I’d done and he wasn’t going to insist on my attempting to reach a BMI of 25.  Yey.  He even put on the form that my goal weight could be the weight I finished ww at.  Even more yey.

So now, I’m what’s known as a Gold member.  I get absolutely nothing for it, just a different coloured form to write the numbers of doom on it and I get to attend meetings for free as long as I stay within 5lbs of my goal weight.

Being as I hadn’t been for a month (and within that month had been away for two weeks, had Easter, returned to work and consumed a tin of chocolates and biscuits from Christmas) I figured I should get my act together and see how bad things had been.  Weirdly, last week said I’d maintained my weight which was flipping amazing as I know how much I’ve shovelled into my face.  I’ve found attempting to ‘maintain’ harder than I thought.  I can be good for breakfast and lunch and then come tea time I’m like a locust out of the bible plague, nothing is safe. 

Since last Monday, I’ve been even worse, it’s scary how little I’ve learnt and how un-responsible I am towards food.  So I figured I’d have to face up to the numbers again so I went again today.  The scales said I’d lost a pound.  I want to go yey and dance around the room but instead I’m rather dazed and confused.  How on earth have I lost a pound?

 

(PS I have also caught up with the technological world and am the owner of a smart phone, so any ‘app’ recommendations are fab!  Weight or health related or not, I don’t mind!)

February 18, 2012

Those beautiful BMI numbers

Posted in February, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , , at 11:20 am by viewfromthisdesk

On Monday at weight watchers, I hit my 10% target. I have no clue what this is 10% of or towards or what so please don’t ask! When entering my details online (not just satisfied with a piece of paper me, I like a coloured graph on the computer!) it told me that I should have seen an important change to my BMI, so I decided to have a see on the nhs website.

Well. I wish I hadn’t bothered in all honesty.  According to the nhs, because I haven’t been blessed with the tall genes, I am still a fat, lardy-arsed, heifer.  Yep, those words popped up on my computer screen, honest they did.

The day I got married, I was possibly the heaviest I have ever been.  On that day, my BMI was 34.01 a lovely ‘obese’ number for the nhs.  Which is fair enough, I was quite rotund.  On the day I started weight watchers, that BMI had fallen to 31.76.  Still obese, but I was heading from the bright red ‘imminent heart attack warning’ to the slightly less glaring orange ‘you’re still terribly unhealthy’.

So, on losing my stone with ww, my BMI is 29.13 and woohoo, I am officially overweight. A dark yellow rather than the belisha beacon orange, and more importantly, not obese anymore, yey!

My target (set by myself, no one else) is to lose a stone and a half with ww from when I started with them.  If (and it really is a big if) I manage that, my BMI would be 27.59 which still keeps me at overweight and cricky, where would all my feminine curves be then?  A further half stone ONTOP of that would make me 26.46 – losing two stone from first ww meeting still makes me overweight. Scary stuff really. Am I ever going to eat anything other than plain grilled chicken with salad or veg?

So, this got me a bit addicted.  What would it take for me to be ‘healthy’ in the eyes of some stupid mathematical computer program?  Apparently, ‘healthy’ is to be 25 or less.

To hit 24.96 which let’s face it, is scraping the barrel totally, I have to have lost two and a half stone since my first ww meeting.  Seriously?!!? I’m struggling with motivation now and it’s only been one!

To be 22.3, smack bang in the middle of healthy and a nice bright green colour on the graph thing, I would need to lose ANOTHER stone.  To be mid-range healthy for the nhs, I would have to weigh a very scary combination of the numbers eight and six.

Now, I’m very happy with what I’ve acheived so far.  Believe me, I am thrilled to bits, I LOVE the fact I can now pick up a size 14 and it will fit.  I am so appreciative of the well wishes and compliments I’m getting right now.  I KNOW I look better than I did before.  I know I look better in terms of attractiveness and skin clarity.  But to go from my personal target which is quite full-on as it is, to take off another two stone as well ……… Oh my days, honestly?!

February 14, 2012

Romance? Pah!

Posted in February, Weight Watchers tagged , , , at 1:38 pm by viewfromthisdesk

I lost four pounds yesterday apparently at the weigh-in. That’s a total of seventeen to date. Yey me! I have four vouchers left and at the least, I want to lose another four pounds to get to a stone and a half.

Just the small hurdle of today and the shops, tv and all media being FULL of chocolate and more chocolate and oh! Some chocolate. If hubby brought me a box of chocolates today he’d be sleeping on the sofa for-ev-er! I have asked him however to get me two of the new kitkat chunky flavour bars. Kitkat chunkys are a billion times better than boxes of fiddly, tiny individual chocolates in some lurid pink box. Love is a kitkat (at least one!), not a box of belgian truffles.

Do you think if I mention that brand of chocolate bar any more, they might send me a free box-full of normal, the new orange and the new double chocolate flavours? Hmmm, fingers crossed!

My hands are KILLING me and I can’t type anymore.

December 1, 2011

Chocolate for breakfast

Posted in December, Health stuff, Weight Watchers tagged , , , , , at 1:45 pm by viewfromthisdesk

Well it’s true, isn’t it? Most of us have indeed had chocolate for breakfast. Well, to be honest, I didn’t but ONLY because my advent calendars were at work. Yes plural.  There’s three of us in the office and I bought a set of calendars and the other lady here also got a set.  The boy failed us so we’re deciding whether he should buy Thorntons or Hotel Chocolat ones for us next year. So I have a Hello Kitty calendar and a Disney Princesses one.  And no, I haven’t blooming calculated the sodding weight watchers points on it, I’ve just allocated one and so be it.  Yes, I know I’m thirty-something and possibly too old for advent calendars but I had my very first (chocolate) advent calendar last year and I bought it myself.  So get over the whole ‘calendars are for kids’ and be pleased that I have this one little pleasure in life today.

Can you tell yet that my attitude today is slightly questionable?

I’m in a funny place today, I’ll be honest.  I’m feeling very down, very low in myself.  Am snapping at people when I have absolutely no reason to (so very sorry) and I feel really rather emotional.  I’m sore in places that haven’t been sore for ages and I just want to go home, wrap myself in a blanket and wallow in my self pity.  I’m so very cold, but it’s that weird cold where it feels like it’s coming from inside.  I can’t feel my feet or ends of my fingers, so I’m struggling today and I don’t want to.  I hate these stupid frigging illnesses, I hate the way they just turn up uninvited and totally screw up my life. 

(When I leave work and get home) I want to read my books, but I can’t hold them because it hurts my wrists and shoulders too much.  I want to wrap the last two presents I’ve got but my fingers will not play ball with the paper and sellotape.  I want to be a normal human being and today, I am far from normal. 

I just want a hug but it hurts to wrap my arms around anyone and it hurts to be touched.  How completely crap is that?