January 30, 2024
Are we nearly there yet?!
<said in a whining annoying voice>
Oh My Goodness. January seems to have lasted about eleventy thousand million days and it’s NOT EVEN OVER YET. Wowzers.
But to encourage the time to go faster, I’m giving you my month end update. Living life on the edge I really am. Strap in kiddiwinks, it’s about to get exciting. (It’s not. Sorry)
Pantry challenge shopping or not shopping went alright but we were not very well prepared this year and had a distinct lack of cheese to survive on. So yes, we had two occasions where we went shopping for the allowed cat food and milk and ended up with a few more things. It was a max of £25 though which I’m not angry about. A household our size (without the furry hooligans) spends on average £45/week so just £25 in a month was a bit fab. Obviously Olio helped massively with that and our indifference to cooking too. I dislike cooking and I find it such a chore, honestly, I’d rather iron than cook.
I sewed things and read things and wrote birthday cards and letters and tried to keep busy. No gardening as it’s too muddy. Lots of chicken refereeing too. Sigh. But we have eggs again finally which is very lovely.
My needle count for the month is at four. My migraine count for the month is at more than four.
My personal no spend went ….. okay. Of course, we have things that we cannot totally quit on and so I did spend £61 on (ahem) personal care. You don’t need details on that. And exante – my meal replacement company of choice – has decided to close down and move into protein stuff – so I spent £39 on shakes which is essentially food so maybe not so bad? I spent £20 on birthday gifts for an 18th which is entirely allowed I’m sure we would all agree. I had to spend £5 on some ‘undertray shield car clips’ which are bright orange and needed for the repair work that will happen next month. I still have to buy three more bags of clips for the panels or something, it’s just words about the Smart that he’s telling me.
I spent £8.50 on crafting materials and I KNOW. I know. This was most definitely a banned item but I can justify this I promise. I was going to make a *thing* out of some *items* for Christmas last year for someone. When I came to make it, I found Diesel had taken umbrage at the *items* and had wee’d on them. As only Diesel does. But in a big fat sale in a shop that I had ONLY gone into to shelter from the rain, I found a starter kit for this *thing* at half price. So I can now make it, and it will not smell of cat urine. And I think they’d appreciate that more than a stinky version.
And then I failed last weekend quite spectacularly. I fell into an ebay black hole and just … lapsed.
When I was at uni all those decades ago, I started collecting Pocket Dragons. And looking at them now, I can understand how I’ve become a bat lady. These little green figures were a treat for exam results or a gift from himself for events. When I had hospital stays or life events, there was a dragon. I found a photo of my dragons from my first uni house and to see the collection now some 25 ish years on is … impressive … We even had these dragons on our wedding cakes.
But the actions of the weekend and the way my brain behaved made me realise something quite scary. I am obsessive about my hobbies. I want ALL the dragons I’ve found I’m missing and I want them RIGHT NOW. When I was introduced to the gorgeousness that is Black Toast crockery by Emma Bridgewater I went mad for a few months buying Every Single Piece I didn’t have. Popsy dresses were a similar project and the El Camino steps too.
My rule for myself this year is that I can only purchase EB, Popsy frocks, Amazon items and El Camino bits with vouchers I have or earnt or get given. It’s working quite well so far, there is nothing I’m desperate for as yet. Although this holiday will trigger a required El Camino step that could, okay, probably wait until birthday. But ebay is a huge problem. I spent £53 on dragons; four dragons only. However. In my watch list thing on ebay I have 87 listings saved under ‘decorative collectables’ which will be mostly dragons and a couple of York Ghosts.
I would happily, without second thought, without remorse or thinking or conscience buy them all. Just. Like. That. I want to set a limit of one a week or two a month but I wouldn’t stick with it. I could make a wishlist but I don’t want to wait until August and December and no-one but me believes in the importance of half birthdays that fall outside of bat season!
I miss that dopamine rush. I miss happy post. Our postie thinks I died because of the lack of mail landing for me. I don’t want to go shopping in an actual shop, I don’t want to interact with real humans (other than our lovely postie) but I do, very much, want happy post and boxes of green joy.
I am very aware that spending less than £200 on ‘stuff’ is probably blinking marvellous in the grand scheme of things, but when half of that could have been avoided if I’d been stronger is a tough pill to swallow. But ooooh shiny, ooooh happiness, oooooh need/want/desire.
February is a reset. February is the month I recover from a two thousand plus pound tax bill, it’s when I spend three thousand pounds on getting my car less colander like and more solid. February is the month I have a half birthday, I go on my summer holiday (in advance of bat season summer) and get some sunshine and vitamin D and celebrate the foolishness that was leap years day. It may be short but it’s the month where my outgoings are more than seven times my income!
I. Must. Try. Harder.
January 18, 2024
Bah blah resolutions smevolutions
I guess in the interests of being honest and getting support from y’all, I should share my goals and aims and motivations for 2024. I don’t like resolutions or the word because it implies so much pressure and forced standards. Maybe the word could be removed from society and instead everyone just says ‘I’m going to be a better human being this year by not doing this or trying to do more of that’
So my targets for this year are fairly standard.
* Spend as little as possible so I’m not cluttering my surroundings.
* Sort out what I’ve already got (clothes/books/crafting stuff) and make the most of them.
* See a real life mole.
* Keep losing weight until the diabetic nurse is happy.
* Craft more with what resources I have. Sell or gift the stuff I make. No new hobbies!
* Stop being upset about being on my own so much, learn to love my own company and be content with doing free stuff like reading, crafting, housework, sorting the boxes of doom, gardening, litter-picking, writing happy post and notes.
* Get off social media (specifically facebook but keep twitter) blog more instead.
* Stop worrying about others’ opinions or lifestyles. I am me, I cannot be anyone else and start recognising my physical capabilities rather than being upset by what I ‘can’t do’ in comparison.
* I want to be less dependent upon hubby to have a social life, I need to find things I can do on my own or have friends be willing to do ’em with me or be happier to hermit.
* I’d like to go to a live rugby match again as I miss it massively.
* I’d like a cheeky win at Cheltenham Race Week.
* I want more solo theatre.
Making more of Olio has been fun. I made butter out of cream which went in the freezer and I’ve processed veg for freezing too. It all helps
Last week I had my carpal tunnel jabs (as you know) and it didn’t quite go to plan. Unfortunately, between wrists, the doctor went to put the cap on the syringe and the needle stuck him through the cap. Cue much paperwork and drama and me needing to go back for blood tests to ensure I hadn’t poisoned him and all sorts. Not fun. He’s since rung me to say I don’t have any blood based nasties that I was tested for which is a relief. He is also referring me to the hand surgeons at Worcester to see if they’ll actually operate on the CP rather than just surviving on jabs.
But we are half way through the month finally. Only another 800 or so days to go until February!
January 18, 2023
Another New Year
Is it really only day 18? It definitely feels like day 307 or later. January drags doesn’t it?
I’m busy, that’s the crazy thing, I’m busy but the month seems to last forever. I don’t understand how time can feel so drawn out when it’s a fixed object. Oooooh, deep.
So far, this month has been full of death it seems. I was chatting with a local funeral director and he says we’ve had a ‘green winter’ which isn’t very cold and it means bugs and viruses make their way around loads more. At one point you couldn’t get a slot at the crem for over four weeks which isn’t nice for families. I’ve been involved in some beautiful services for some smashing humans. I’m lucky that families that don’t know me are willing to let me be part of things, we laugh and cry together and it all mixes to build me into the funeral celebrant I want to be. Alas, there is this pre-conception that CofE funerals are very black and grey and text book and I wish I could scream from a high place THAT’S NOT ME! But instead, I just need to let FD’s see me in action and make their own decisions. I am loving this new chapter of my life.
I finally saw the MaxFax doctor in early January. He admits there’s nothing they can do about my jaw because of the other issues I have but he is requesting an MRI for some reason and has hinted that instead of an operation to ‘flush out the TMJ jaw joint’ I could be considered for botox. Bring it on I replied, add it to my headache botox please and thank you. Of course, it’s not that simple but hey ho.
My carpal tunnel jabs are still working well. I hope this is a medical miracle and they’ve fixed my hands forever.
My botox jabs for the migraines are flipping MAGIC. Yes, that first two and a bit weeks was proper evil but to be like this now, ohmydays, I cannot put into words how transformative they have been. I just need them to last as long as possible until March 6th.
Of course, with it being January, it’s pantry challenge month. Which feels odd because we definitely carried it all through last year and often went a couple of months with just buying milk and cat food. Very lovely. Yes, we were lucky that we grew an absolute tonne of veg and fruit that we’ve been working through and have plans for next year too. I’m trying to convince himself to dig up the dining room floor and build a root cellar like what we see on Alaska programs but he is yet to be persuaded. You know I’ll keep trying though haha.
I’ve also now got an app called Olio which is a food waste prevention / food sharing app. Brilliant it is. You can give away gluts from the garden or something you bought a multipack of but the kids won’t eat half of it. I also collect from shops and list too. Of course, if I’m going to join something I jump wholeheartedly into it. Won’t lie, listing over 150 items from Saturday evening and Sunday morning Tesco collections was totally stressful but so many people collected and shared, so it was okay in the end.
I’ve heard that someone else has started the pantry challenge for this month as a trial. It might not have been me that inspired them to give it a go but I’m going to selfishly assume it was my input that has encouraged them. It is quite amazing how much food we all have squirrelled away without realising it. This year I’m attempting a ‘cook once, last twice’ kinda approach. So for example, last night we made cauliflower cheese (with Olio cauliflowers) and it made tea last night (with Olio bacon and spring onions) and tonight half will be reheated to have with sausages out the freezer. I don’t get any pleasure out of cooking whatsoever, so only having to do it every other evening is something I need to attempt more. Making food last so we enjoy it more and spend less has to be a good target to aim for.
January is always tricky. It lasts too long and money is short. Just be kind to yourselves, be patient. Enjoy the mountain of cheese you’ve found and snuggle under a fleecy blanket. Send happy post and use up your non-barcoded stamps to make someone else smile too. Random Acts of Kindness work miracles upon others, you have no idea the power of happy post until you’ve sent some.
June 17, 2022
Days something and the next one.
Thursday and Friday
Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday, I didn’t mean to worry anyone. Yesterday was a very bad head day.
I had set myself a target hadn’t I, to get dressed. I did it. Clothes other than pyjamas on Thursday, woop, go me.
It last two hours. Then my head overwhelmed me and I went to bed for the afternoon.
Today. Well what else is there to say other than cor blimey it’s a bit warm, isn’t it.
My head is still killing me but I can’t blame covid entirely with the air pressure as high as it is.
The coughing is worse but not continuous or making me struggle so I’m managing with that.
I’m fed up though. Really fed up. I had to ask a neighbour to get my monthly bag of meds. I’m trusting himself at the supermarket. I can’t even go litter picking right now. I’m exhausted just walking to the chickens if I’m honest.
But to end on a positive note.
June 15, 2022
Covid day 4
It is getting boring now. Really boring.
Slept 14 hours which was nice but a waste of a day totally. I had tried to tire myself out lots yesterday, I did full on tasks like water one flower pot and walk from my front door to the bench. Wow.
So after sleeping so long I had hoped I’d feel a splash better today. Nope.
It was my first submission to the medical trial diary thing today. The questions were really good actually, you rank your symptoms on a scale and there is space to add non typical symptoms as well. Plus questions about what you’ve taken to help these symptoms and whether you’ve chatted to a medical person (off a list of options) in the last 24 hours.
Whilst it isn’t antivirals – that may or may not work – I have changed my opinion about this process. Yes I’m massively disappointed but I’m still contributing to science. Much like when I do returns to Breakthrough Breast Cancer. Yes I’m utterly fed up of the pile of extra pills I’m taking but I’ve got to keep believing it’s for the best. And as hubby points out; every day I’m at home and not in hospital is a good result. It’s a good day. It’s a gold star on the achievement chart.
Yes, I’m coughing now but it’s not bad or continuous. If it gets worse I’ll contact the doctors of course. Tonight was supposed to be hubby’s Christmas pressie night out so whilst tea was cooking, we both tested.
So. Himself has a night out and I’m on the sofa surrounded by tissues, listening to the cats fight and waiting for sewing bee.
I had some rather fabulous Happy Post though today. Some brownies from a new company to assess against Gower. Some ebay bits and then some Get Well Soon shortbread biscuits with a fabulous card.
Tomorrow is a new day. I’m going to target getting dressed as a challenge tomorrow. It is time to not be in my pyjamas I think. And I need to be a bit more vertical tomorrow as I’m expecting a delivery for himself that cannot be missed. No-one needs to see me in my pyjamas for this long.
Hubby is still going to the railway this weekend, so if I can get dressed tomorrow and have a half decent day, I’d like to think I could maybe go to the office over the weekend when it’s quiet and get some outstanding bits done. Not work, don’t be silly, but stuff that is easier on a PC than a phone.
I’m frustrated that I’m not feeling better. I’m upset that hubby is negative and only had maybe half a day of poorliness. But I have to keep working on my patience levels. One day at a time. One pill box section at a time. Breathe, cough, sleep, repeat.
February 2, 2022
Pantry Challenge – what did I learn?
I didn’t know what else to title this post, what did I learn? Seems quite pretentious and hints that the pantry challenge is over – which you all know, it is not!
I can meal plan still for most of this month. I have not been able to switch off the third freezer yet. My pantry challenge is far from finished. This week though will be an actual shopping trip without rules. I’d like rules, hubby is fighting back. He wants crisps for starters and he finished our baked beans last night which were earmarked for next week’s corned beef hash night. I’d also like some salad and mushrooms again. I think we could go and be strict, or try and not be sucked into deals and offers on stuff we like the look of but don’t necessarily need. If I thought we could do the whole ‘take a £20 note and that is it’ I’d be happy to do that, but I can’t see him indoors agreeing to this.
We both agree we like this extreme level of meal planning. Last night I had a nap after work that lasted two and a half hours. Hubby cooked (I know, shocker!) because he knew what was on the plan. Baked beans weren’t part of the plan but hey ho. Meal planning means we don’t resort to rubbish, we make more effort with vegetables, leftovers are fun. We are using our food more sensibly and making food last longer too. We were never wasteful with food, more greedy, something *could* last two nights with a bit of extra veg or thought but we just ate it all because we couldn’t be bothered to try harder.
What I have noticed is our lack of rubbish. I used to be sad if we put out less than three bags of recycling in a fortnight. Our black bags would only ever be half a bag and that was always just cat and chicken pooh. Since doing this pantry challenge, we didn’t even make one whole bag of recycling for either the January collections. We aren’t shopping so we aren’t collecting more food packaging. We are using up the freezer stuff which means my tupperware collection is taking over the house but there isn’t any garbage. I thought more recycling than the neighbours was a good thing; now I’m not so sure.
The daily jobs is also going really well. I’m keeping on top of chores without hurting myself or exhausting myself too badly. Tonight our job is to dye my hair and I’m so very excited. I don’t feel me unless I’m purple anymore. My confidence comes with being different and purple is my happy place.
No shopping isn’t going quite so well. I’ve done three transactions since Monday. Two for second hand Emma Bridgewater pieces and one for a KBJ duck from SOT Ducks About Town. I still haven’t reviewed my Jan/Feb wishlist and I don’t really have any desire to either. I also need to buy some gifts for Chinese New Year celebrations and I have happy post to send too.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to DMc, KH, LW and DHB for my happy post in January. It was a very lovely surprise and made those tough days slightly better. I am lucky to have you all.
January 17, 2022
A rather scary admission.
Some of you already know this as I sent out a ‘should I be ashamed or proud?’ panic message. Most of you have said proud at being organised, so that’s okay.
Basically, I got a bit obsessed with this Pantry Challenge thing and I’ve turned it into something a bit bigger. When I was off between Christmas and New Year, I would set myself a task to do each day so that I wouldn’t descend into a cheese and tv lump. It would be a pairing of one big job and one small job, designed to keep things ticking over and me a bit active and the house slightly tidier than the bombsite it generally is. A big job would be laundry or the dishwasher or sweeping and moping the kitchen floor for example. Mostly because I hate these three jobs and they exhaust and hurt me the most. Smaller jobs are designed so that nothing piles up and I don’t feel like on a weekend I have to turn into Aggie and Kim and do a ‘How Clean is Your House’ Blitz.
A very lovely pal gave me this very gorgeous Emma Bridgewater calendar and it was perfect for planning the meals on. And then I decided that my small tasks should be on there too. How very organised of me. It means I can’t get away from the little things and hubby cannot say he doesn’t know what is for tea.
Anyway, I digress.
One of the jobs was the fridge shelves. I hate this job because I’m not tall enough to reach the top shelf but if I stand on a chair I’m too tall. The whole stepping up and down off a chair is also, not one of my key skills. I’m always forgetting the cleaner or the cloths or where I put something and I invariably leave my phone in a tub of butter. I had asked him indoors if the shelves and drawers came out of the fridge, which would make life sooooooo much easier. ‘Leave it with me’ he said, and disappeared down his workshop. (I’m still waiting for an answer)
So, instead of doing the fridge shelves that day, I figured I’d really crack on with the meal planning. I cannot tell you how much I am LOVING not going to the supermarket. I did not realise how much those places stress me out, even though we go to a smaller shop, later in the day when it’s less people and less noisy etc.
So my proud/ashamed moment?
I can meal plan with the contents of the house not only for all of January but also for the whole of February too. Yep. And this is based on the meals having a central protein source, not allowing for crash days when it will be soup or scrambled eggs or just gallons of tea and emergency meds.
Initially, I was super embarrassed that we had so much food in store. Yes, the garden is plentiful and we make protein last as much as we can but even so, fifty days plus?!!
The no spend challenge is going okay, I had an emotional wobble last night when I realised that it wasn’t that I liked spending money (far from it, I am a Newbury by DNA after all) it was that I like getting post. I like feeling connected with the outside world. So maybe I need to send more happy post to get some back during these no spend days? I have to confess, I have bought one thing that was not a birthday gift, but it is an investment purchase for all the years of my life and I’m very pleased with how bargainous it was. Other than that, every shopping thought is going on my Jan/Feb wish list and I shall review how much I really do need these things in a few weeks time. Have a mooch, what do you think?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/6GK9JTJYR56F?ref_=wl_share
This week I have my dreaded diabetic eyes check up. I hate this more than anything in the world and of course, haven’t had one for over two years, thanks to covid.
In more positive outlook news, I’m hoping to return to NTLive theatre transmissions on the 27th. Eeeeeeek, so excited. Then we have the RSPB Big Garden Birdwatch and I finally return to my natural purple hair colour. So much to be looking forward to, fun times in amongst the fridge shelves.
April 19, 2021
Trying something new.
Y’all know I juggle a number of jobs. Which is not at all sensible or healthy. I recognise I need to change this – and change this soon. By soon I mean this year.
As it’s all I really know, I’ve gone back to crafting. I’m simply trying to keep my hands and brain busy so that I’m not tempted to just dive into the fridge and eat rubbish 24/7. Yes it hurts my joints but with patience and limiting time on things I can manage and they’re fun and bring me joy.
This is where I need your help. I need your feedback and input and advise and possibly even your shopping time. I don’t want to join etsy or folksy or ebay or anywhere that I then have to consider postage and wrapping to protect against the postage system of choice. I want to sell only to friends or family or friends of friends, ideally locally or at a pre-arranged meet up or bat conference or event or something. Village fetes would be a lovely outlet but covid has probably squished those for this summer and I’m concerned I might actually be too expensive for a fete …….
So. Here are the my wares. They are not toys, they are ornaments. Please do not give to a child as they have small bits for eyes and wire for legs, not at all edible! Crafting is only crafting if things go somewhere or have a purpose, otherwise crafting is just clutter and that is not good.
The stork and flamingo have 4 inch legs and look super majestic if I do say so myself. The robins and blue tit have ickle legs, 2 inches max. The plan is that storks can have a pink or blue heart too for nursery shelves or for congrats on your baby news etc. The robins can have – or not – a small heart too if you specifically want to remember a particular person. I didn’t plan on adding hearts to the flamingos or blue tits but if you want one, you can have one! You also know I can make puffins but I don’t have any finished right this second
Storks and flamingos and puffins are £20
Robins are £18
Blue tits are £25 because the amount of embroidery on these takes me three days
If I have already sent you a bird then this is NOT me asking for money. Gifts are gifts are gifts. Okay?!
So lovely people of my witterings. Is a personal post on my faceache enough? Or will you all just want my beautiful birds? If I could sell up to four a month I’d be happy and my hands won’t demand ice every evening. I could consider stopping temping for starters which would be simply amazing and I’d also be able to be a bit more picky about the sub contracting I do for bat surveys – I could get more sleep and be a nice person. Maybe.
I’m also planning out smaller things that can lean or hang – I have a pattern for a fox, an owl and a badger which I’m excited to move onto. These will be cheaper but only because they’re smaller and don’t have legs, I’m hoping I could keep these to ten squids. But we shall see.
So be brutally honest but gentle please people. Am I asking too much? Am I being greedy? Would you like one? Would you like me to make something else for you that I’ve not mentioned? Email or message me.
Of course crafting is never about making a proper income! However, I need to keep busy and I need to believe I’m making people happy too. If I make and you gift, that’s three people smiling and we all need more smiles in the world.
February 15, 2021
It’s my half birthday today
Yey! Happy Half Birthday to me.
August plus six months equals February. And it isn’t a made up thing, I’m sure it’s what they talked about in Alice in Wonderland, isn’t it? Even with all my hint dropping and blatant announcement on social media, no-one has remembered, it has not been a thing. Ah well.
No, I have not had my jab yet. It’s aged based, not poorly based like flu-jab allocation. I’ll get it when they call the under 50’s.
No, I’m not doing okay. The headaches are worse than ever. Yes I’ve tried everything.
Tomorrow (16th) I have a telephone appointment with Neurology. They have been forewarned that the only thing I want to talk about is getting these headaches under control. Please keep everything crossed that this appointment is not cancelled like it was in August. I really am not coping and will absolutely loose my sanity if it doesn’t happen.
The 23rd, so a week tomorrow I have my rummaging appointment. No I’m not looking forward to it, no I’m not wanting answers. I would rather have a diabetic eye appointment than have this happen.
But anyway. I’m trying to not think about that at all.
Tomorrow is Pancake Tuesday, one of my favourite times of the year. It’s very early though isn’t it? I don’t ever remember Shrove Tuesday being this early in February before. Just shows how the dynamic duo that is 2020/2021 have messed up the time-space balance.
Pancake Day marks the start of Lent, and faith or no faith, most people try and give things up. A personal challenge if you will. I haven’t the self control to manage anything – I can’t do owt at New Year, I’m hardly going to give up anything for deepest, dampest, darkest February now. Instead, I’m going to try and make a positive change. I’m going to make a gratitude diary and practise being more grateful and focused. Almost mindful. So many days are bogged down in feeling awful or sore or horizontal in a dark room. I need to tweak my brain to remember some glimmer of light in each day. It might be as simple as a gorgeous cup of tea or the flash of colour as I see goldfinches in the garden or surprise happy post from someone. I don’t know. But surely, even I can be grateful for 40 days and find my brain looking for the lovely rather than getting sucked into the swamp of negativity.
I read somewhere that gratitude reframes our circumstances – it drives out discontent, it directs our attention to the good things in out lives. It generates attentiveness and intentionality. Which sounds very grown up and responsible but I’ll give it a go and let you know how I get on!
Are you doing anything for lent? You wanna join me in this positivity project?
viewfromthisdesk 